You dang kids and your new-fangled monsters!

Back in MY day we had 150 monsters, and that was ALL you needed! None o' these new-fangled 'cutey' monsters for children!

Look at dat thereTauros. A fine specimen of a monster. Look at the new-age Tauros. A CARTOON COW. Disgraceful! We had Pikachu and Raichu, but that wasn't CUTE enough for CHILDREN so they added Pichu, the Baby. Then they added those two Minun and Plushie creatures, which are completely obvious knockoffs! That's right, IVE SEEN YOUR NEW MONSTERS! BAH! Tailow? HootHoot? Starly? BAH! Give me Pidgey any day! Sentret? Zigzagoon? BIDOOF? You young whippersnappers can paint a Ratatta brown, but it's still a Ratatta!

The new popular starter is CHICKCHAR or something. Hooey! Back in my day, if you wanted a flaming monkey, you threw a Mankey into a bonfire!

I must say, it's nice to see the developers haven't gotten creative. A hippopotamus called "Hippopotas"? That's almost as clever as a pile of muck called "Muk"! Shows that the first generation was the BEST generation!

But everything they try to change doesn't work! Take evolution for example. Well, we DIDNT evolve them because evolution is a heathen scam! Everytime they tried to evolve, we would stop them because they were Intelligently Designed to be the way they were. But at least science was simpler in those days. Creatures evolved by leveling, stones, and trading! We didn't need to equip any new-fangled Kings Rock while leveling up at dusk while fighting a Goldeen at Cinnabar Island with a happiness level of 200 and spare Rare Candy in the inventory! That's ridiculous!

Also, there are no male or female monster of the same species! If they were, they would be a DIFFERENT SPECIES like Nidoran is. I notice that you haven't tried to reclassify them as the same species. That's because they are the ONLY monster with genders! All them other monsters are a-sexual. They don't breed! You kids today pass your monsters to some hag, and she has to genetically engineer you a cross-bred creature. WHY ELSE WOULD CREATURES ONLY MULTIPLY IN A DAYCARE CENTER?

Speaking of evolution, you young punks can stop evolving my monsters! Lickitung, Tangela and Rhydon were useless enough without you tainting them with stripes and spikes and scowls! If we wanted them to evolve, we would have done it the old fashioned way: by putting three of them together! I see what you did to Magneton! IF WE WANTED MAGNETON TO EVOLVE, WE WOULD JUST PUT THREE TOGETHER.

YOUR TURTWIG IS A BULBASAUR WITH A LEAF ON ITS HEAD!

Where was I? Oh yeah, your fancy colors. We didn't have color back in my day! We had black and puke green and we were grateful! People at the store would say, "Welcome to Cerulean City, the most vibrant city in Kanto. Would you like to see a third color?" and you would reply, "No, sir, I am satisfied with two" because THATS THE WAY GOD MADE IT.

And what's with these monsters that roam around the whole region? I don't care if you are a legendary, you stay in ONE house or cave. YOU DONT MOVE. I tells ya, the whole world is loosing control. Pretty soon these creatures will all be free. What kind of world has no pocket monster fighting action paralleling cockfighting? I am not sure, but it's a world I want none to do with!

Maybe this old fool is too naive for this new world. But with God as my witness, I will keep my level 100 Charmander, level 100 Magikarp, and level 100 Pikachu by my side forever. You kids wouldn't understand because you're too busy 'evolving' your monsters, watching their stat-ee-vees and teachin' them moves to balance against your friends. What a waste of time! I could beat the Elite Four everytime, back when that MEANT something. So you can go fight strangers over them thar internets if you will, but as for me and my monsters, we will retire from a world which no longer needs us.
---
Get off my lawn!

LOL

Yeah them darn kids.
I always try to be 'hip' and 'cool' but they always pull out them Action Replays and tell me, "SHUT-UP OLD TIMER!"
Neow, I didn't min dem Second Generation movin' in but after three an four It was hectic!
Ah wells, Kids wel be kids I supose

And you dang kids always say "what's Mew Papa's" or "Where Mew"

Okay, apparently you whippersnappers don't understand pocket monster theology. They must not teach it to you in school anymore. Well, HERE is a little history lesson for you!

You cannot find Mew. The thought that It could just be lying around under some truck is preposterous. Mew is the monster equivalent of God, and like God you cannot see It or control It, but it exists and is the creator of all monsters. Missigno is the Holy Ghost, in that you cannot clearly see It and attempts to preserve It are met with disaster. It gives people spiritual gifts like 99 bicycles and Level 150 Kinglers, thus enabling them to believe that something as wondrous as Mew can exist. Mewtwo is the monster Jesus, in that It came to Kanto as a regular monster (thus why you can capture it) and is the most powerful monster ever. GO READ A BIBLE.

What are your views on the "3D" pokemon games on the DS?

Eh, what now? 3D games on a portable system? YOU SPOILED KIDS. Back in MY day we had two dimensions and we were SATISFIED. In fact, my Father used to train monsters in ONE dimension: uphill! I was lucky enough to be given a second dimension, but I didn't use it frivolously. Now you kids have a third dimension, but still walk in two. You don't even need that third one, but you're not SATISFIED without it! SPOILED, ROTTEN, NASTY kids.

what are your views on 4 regis 5 rotoms 2 shamans and 2 giratiny?

I have no idea what yer talkin' about. You can only have six on a team, and you've got... four... five...that's nine...plus two...plus two more...is four more...... SEVENTEEN on one team. You know, back in my day we had SIX on a team, and that was good enough! h***, the Elite Four only used five monsters because they were so skilled, and I only used THREE, mah Charmander, mah Magikarp, and mah Pikerchu. And I could beat them ALL. Well, except Blue. That dirty cheat! But he wasn't part of the FOUR elite four, so he don't count.

Whats your opinion of Arceus trying to steal Mews place?

I've already been over this. You kids today need to start paying better attention. These new monsters that keep trying to take over Mew's place as the Holiest monster need to go back to Satan's realm where they belong! How can a creature that's only come into existence recently be the creater of the universe? TOMFOOLERY I SAY. And it can become one of those Satanic types too. DO I NEED FURTHER PROOF THAT THIS IS A FALSE GOD?

you get mew through nintendo events.

What. Thoses dang nab nintendo workers.
You kids never understand pokes like we old folkes did.
I always get this dang questions

Gramps, what are your thoughts on Pokemon battle animations in Crystal, Emerald and Diamond/Pearl?

In MY day, monsters didn't use all these fancy motions! As soon as they scrolled sideways at you, YOU KNEW THEY WERE ASKIN FER A WHOOPIN! Now these creatures gotta come bouncing at you. I bet if you younin's didn't see a tail wag'n or a wing flapin', you'd just let it attack ye until yeh whited out. O course, back in MY day, we didn't have pansy WHITEOUTS. We had BLACKOUTS. Probably changed it to be po-litically cer-rect again.

What do you think of the Pokeradar?

Back in the day, there wasn't a single monster in the game my buddy Andrew and I couldn't find just by walking around or trading for or buying from a casino. I guess our eyesight was better back in the good ol days. You kids are so untalented, you need to use that there technology to find monsters! It's disgraceful! And you kids have to struggle with fishing too! That was another thing that just came naturally to us. If you wanted to go fishing and something bit yer line, you were gonna reel it in no matter what. Now you kids can't keep a Magikarp on the line if ye ain't payin' attention!

oh most knowledgeable one, what is your view of a woman being the champion and no longer being able to gamble for pokemon?

WHAT? No gambling for monsters? What kind of world is this? If you can't gamble for monsters, then what are ye supposed to do with yer winnins? Buy some dolls?

As for a woman being champion, it's an embarrassment for certain, but mostly because LANCE is the true champion and always will be! Any woman impersonator is certainly an impostor, because no girl can hold a candle to Lance's strategy of crating an army of dragons and teaching them all Hyperbeam! It is the best and most perfect strategy ever! Very few people have ever managed to beat it!

What are your views on the land shark pokemon Garchomp

I think dragons are powerful enough without splicing them with sharks and ghosts!
I remember when DRAGONS were rare like they SHOULD be. Now you have ground dragons, psychic dragons, metal dragons, ghost dragons... DISGRACEFUL. I see you evolved the noble Seadra into a Dragon type too. Is there no depth to your shallowness? I don't know why you'd want a Dragon type anyway. Everybody knows that Dragon attacks only do 40 points of damage anyway.
mikeburnfire

What do you think of moves that can hit monsters that used Dig or Fly?

You remember Swift? How about Bide? Probably not, because you're too young, but we had those moves back in MY day. Swift hits everyone, even if digging or flying.

It's not surprising you don't know about it. Heck, there were less moves in my day. About 150, if I recall. We didn't need to separate 'em into Physical or Special attacks, either, they were already given that designation by the type of attack it was. If a somebody uses a FIGHTING or ROCK type move, you had to watch your DEFENSE. If somebody came at you with a WATER or FIRE attack, you watched your SPECIAL. It was that simple! Now you kids have moves divided into kinds of attacks and types of attacks and now all of a sudden I have to watch my Geodude's SPECIAL Stat? Because you used a non-physical FIGHT attack? What the heck? It doesn't make any sense!

Oh yeah, that reminds me.... YOU d*** KIDS! How dare you split Special into defense and offence? YOU DONT NEED THAT! If a monster has special magical powers, it's evenly split both ways! A monster can't have so much fire that it deals huge fire damage, but so little fire that special attacks break through and deal damage easily! THAT DONT MAKE ANY DERN SENSE!

What do you think on all the little kid's who hack their pokemon such as making one that only takes damage from status's and still get beaten by one pokemon?

We had cheaters in my day too. Kids who'd hack in an army o' Mewtwos! You know what I'd do to them after I turned off my game? I'd kick 'em in the family jewels! Eh heheheheh!!!!

'Course, you can't do that nowadays because you're too busy fighting internets strangers! That's why ye should only fight your close friends! It's a special bond of learning when he's lying on the ground crying, and that's DON'T CHEAT!

Hmmn.... perhaps that's why you kids are wrapped up in them satanic-types and being spoiled and cinch! Ye need a good swift, punt to the walnuts from a close friend te' see where you been wrong!

you might wanna edit that, part of it sounded sexist.

No it's not.
I'm not saying a girl can't be champion.
I'm saying that Lance is the only champion.

lance sucks.
the guy with steel types FTW

XDDDDDDd
Mus agree wit evrytin but dat Girl champ thing
Back in my day, Girls had to Cross-Dress to win!
Now dey git it all easeh, with thier boy/girl opitins!
WE HAD TA BE CROSS-DRESSURS YA HER!?!?!!?!?

XD

I like Pokemon.

Novastar wrote:

Yeah them darn kids.
I always try to be 'hip' and 'cool' but they always pull out them Action Replays and tell me, "SHUT-UP OLD TIMER!"
Neow, I didn't min dem Second Generation movin' in but after three an four It was hectic!
Ah wells, Kids wel be kids I supose

Uhhhh........ :)