How's this?

Errr..... i'm not good at this.... but how's this?

11 years before present....

4-year-old Comet: *Shakes in terror as he watches his parents be killed right in front of him* Let's go Wasp.*picks up his 1-year-old bro wasp, and runs, not knowing where to go, then, when he is sure that Cain isn't coming back* Mom......Dad......no more.....* a tear appears in his eyes, and, as if he knew what was going on, wasp starts to cry*

Wasp: *sniffle*

Comet:It's ok, i'm here, don't be sad......*lulls his bro to sleep* *bushes rustle* Huh?*walks over to bushes, and pulls them aside, revealing a blue fox and her bro, and both of their eyes grow wide*


Present time.

16-year-old Comet: Ahhh! Nothing like a nice stream to swim in! *Hops in* Woo-hooo!!!!*sees sunset*
Time to go to bed! *hops out and then hops onto a rock, settles in, and dozes off.......*sky turns dark red* Wha-? what's goin on? *Voice booms from sky*
?????:Mwhahaha! Why do ya need to know, pesky hedge-fox?!
Comet: No! It can't be......not you!!!


TO BE CONTINUED....

Ooh...! Suspenceful!!!

Whaddaya mean?

It has a nice cliffhanger!

It's good. But can you explain a little more about what's going on?

Here's part two!:

Comet: You! Grrr.....

????? 2: hehehe! He's not the only one!

Comet:*eyes grow wide* Well.....how about this......Sceinic'd love to beat you up!*runs off, and seconds later appears with Sceinic*

Sceinic: *angry expression* Vain!!

Comet: And Cain!!

Sceinic: Let's do it!

Comet: All right, LET'S GO!!!! *kicks cain down from sky* Chaotic Pulse!*Cain and Vain take damage as Comet and Sceinic Store power*

Sceinic:*Punchs vain from sky and does a combo attack* Power Ball! * a medium sized ball is thrown at Vain*

Comet: Our power is at max.,You ready!?

Sceinic: Yep!

Comet and Sceinic: Chaotic Power!!!!!!!!! *A huge ball of energy forms in front of them, and starts to suck in things around them, then explodes* Ngahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED

Awesome Comet! You are even right with my bro! James is a blue fox, 18 years old, and Sceinic is a purple fox, 16 years old! (not the same as our real ages.) PLease type more!

Here ya go!:

Part 3!:

Comet: *Turns completely black* GRRRAAHHH!!! DARK BLAST!!!!!! *a ball of dark matter is thrown at Cain and Vain*

Cain:*ball is absorbed, or as it seems* Ha! What was that supposed to-

Cain and Vain: AHHHGRRRAAAHHHH!!!!! *falls to ground, holding their stomach* Aghhhh!!!
*lay crippled on the ground*

Comet:*Turns to normal* Hehe!

Sceinic: Wow?! What happened to 'em?

Comet: You don't wanna know!
They won't be like that forever, so let's get them Locked up somewhere that's hard to get out of.....*Picks up Cain* Get Vain and follow me.

Sceinic: Gotcha! *picks up Vain*

Comet: *Runs off, followed by Sceinic* Hmmmm..... *bangs on a rock, and finds it hollow* Here we are! *splits rock in half, and stuffs Cain in* Give me Vain.

Sceinic: *hands over Vain*

Comet:*stuffs in Vain* Reseal! * rock is sealed tight* That'll hold 'em! Let's get outta here! We need to find out how much Orbit's found out.*Both run back to base* Orbit, how much have you found out about those destructive robobugs?

Orbit: Too much! They were created by 2 hedgehogs that want to kill you.....

Comet: *facepalm* How much are they going to try?

Sceinic: I dunno, but they've done so much already......

Comet: Well, we just sealed them away, for now, at least.

TO BE CONTINUED

This feels like an rp i feel liek joining. XD

I loved the cliffhanger you had in the first part. Maybe adding some more description in make better. Otherwise, it's nice.

So..Why did this guy have the intention of killing Comet and his family?
What on earth made him want to do that?

Cain and vain are two super evil hedgehogs. (Think of them like voldemort) They want to rule the world, and their method is KILLING anybody that gets in their way. Cain (as you know) is responsible for Comet and wasp's parents's death and Vain is responsible for sceinic and james's parent's death..
(I know, we played this at recess)
I will make my version of the story later, so you can get some insights of sceinic's side.

Quote :

So..Why did this guy have the intention of killing Comet and his family?
What on earth made him want to do that?

Well, At the beginning, Comet and Wasp were too young to understand and realize what was going on, but the reason they tried to kill their entire family was because their parents, like Comet, were Heroes, and Cain knew that they were probably gonna try to stop 'em, so they tried to terminate the entire family. That's why.


Comet has a suspensful origin doesn't he!?

No no, I want to know why they tried to kill their parents in the first place.

I just told you!!!!! They were scared that his parents would get in the way!!!!

Get in the way of WHAT?

Him being evil, and taking over the world.

Ehh..sounds pretty cliche, but whatever.

HEY!!!!

Actually, He's right. Look around, there are many stories with those elements. The main character's parents are killed, usually when they're young, and also usually by the main villain. They grow up by themselves or with their siblings, and they somehow meet the villain and want revenge on them. Its happened so many times. SOO many times. Heck, I've even done it before. You can't really deny that it hasn't been done before.

It really has. If you want people to be interested in your stories, you gotta look around and see what's been done before, and then make something that hasn't.

Well.... ssoooorryyy!!!!

Don't take our words offensively, please. We're just trying to give you advice.

Wellllll.....i'm not, not yet.

There's no need to apologize. I'm trying to state what's been done before. Try to think up something new, something that hasn't been done before. But before you do that, you gotta look around you and make sure that there isn't too many stories like it. Best if none.